What if This Storm Ends?
by Leonhart17
Summary: *Spoilers 9x23-24* What if this storm ends and I don't see you as you are now, ever again? Arizona and Callie try to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of the superstorm and Arizona's PTSD. *NOT a cheating fic* Not being updated on this site anymore. There are more chapters on my LJ and my AO3.
1. Chapter 1

The pounding rain made the whole world hum around Callie Torres. The storm, the sudden and complete darkness, even her patients were not enough to stifle the niggling feeling in the back of her brain that was steadily screaming that she needed to find her wife, _right_ _**now**_. She was surely safe in the hospital, but Callie couldn't fight the feeling that something was desperately wrong. "Avery, keep the shoulder still in the meantime, and I'll take an x-ray when we get the power back on, okay?" Not waiting for a response from the man in the bed Callie shouldered her way through the curtain and started toward the stairs and the NICU.

Arizona Robbins groaned as she leaned against the on-call room door. She couldn't have done this. She wasn't this person. She loved her wife. She loved Callie Torres. She didn't have sex in on-call rooms with women she'd known for less than a week. But she had done just that. Just let herself be convinced that being 'out of control' was worth destroying her marriage. Because she knew she wasn't in control now. She hadn't been in control of her life in years. Long before the plane crash. Since her daughter's birth, at least.

But what she'd just done had done nothing to help her regain control of anything. Instead, it felt like she was spiraling more than ever. How could she ever look Callie in the eyes again? How could she look into her wife's face and tell her that she'd just slept with another woman? She was going to be sick, nausea rolling through her stomach. One hand shot out to catch herself against the wall, her good knee not willing or able to keep her up. She felt dizzy, had to close her eyes and breathe deep, her heart pounding a rapid tattoo against her chest.

A rumble of thunder was followed by a flash of lightning (or had that been an explosion? Had something exploded?) and it snapped her back to the present. She'd cheated, betrayed her wife, but she still had patients, infants in the NICU who would die without her. That had to mean something right now. She might have destroyed her own life but she would not let the parents in her ward suffer the same fate today. She was going to save some lives tonight if it killed her.

Alex and Jo were already there, bustling around trying to keep the tiny human makers calm in the storm. The interns were looking to Karev, but he looked to her, catching her eyes as soon as she limped in, his brows furrowing as he noticed her staggered pace. Arizona shook her head, dismissing his concern. She didn't matter right now. Nodding toward the desk, she let him herd the interns to her. She wasn't sure her leg could hold her if she moved away from the desk right now.

"What's the plan?" Alex asked breathlessly, Jo and Stephanie huddling up to protect their conversation from prying ears. Arizona went stiff when another slim body edged into the circle, her knuckles going white as she gripped the edge of the counter tightly. "Dr. Robbins," Alex said firmly when she didn't speak, frowning at the expression on her face. "What are we doing here?"

"Arizona..." Lauren started to speak, her voice quiet, trying to soothe her, and Arizona couldn't take it.

"No!" she snapped, dimly aware of Alex blinking at her, the two interns exchanging confused glances. "Alex, um, the generators are down, apparently, so we're going to start losing these monitors. I want you in here, keeping parents calm and helping me with the babies. Interns, check every supply cabinet and closet on this floor and find us some more batteries," Arizona ordered, taking a deep breath and resolutely avoiding Lauren Boswell's eyes.

"What should I do?" Ignoring her clearly wasn't helping. Arizona sighed, pushing herself away from the desk and trying to leave. A narrow hand caught hers before she could escape. "Hey! What's going on? Are you not going to talk to me? What did I do?"

Arizona jerked her hand away, moving so quickly upsetting her balance and sending her sprawling. Strong arms caught her long before the floor found her. Strong arms that were instantly familiar and made her heart jerk in her chest. Callie's expression was confused, protective, and concerned over her head and Arizona scrambled back onto her feet, stumbling out of Callie's hold and putting a hand up when her wife moved to follow her. Callie took her hand to keep her steady, brown eyes traveling between the two fair-haired women. "Honey, are you okay?" Arizona's mouth moved without words coming out. "What's going on here...?" Blue eyes couldn't meet her own and Callie jerked her gaze to where Lauren stood watching. "Did you do something to her?" She didn't know what was happening here, just that something was definitely occurring beneath the surface here. Something between her wife and this woman.

"Callie..." Arizona's protest was weak behind her, and Callie turned to face Lauren squarely, placing herself directly between the two women.

"What the _hell_ is happening here? What did you do to my wife?" Callie demanded, her voice flat and cold. She was still holding Arizona's hand, her arm twisted behind her to maintain the contact. She didn't turn when Arizona squeezed her hand, too scared to turn around and see confirmation of what she feared in her partner's eyes. "What did you do?"

"Callie," Arizona tried again, pulling lightly on Callie's fist. "It wasn't, she didn't, it was my, it was me-"

It was too much, Callie jerking her hand away and lunging forward. She'd let George wreck her, stood by and let Izzie steal her husband. It wasn't happening like that again. Not this woman, not _her_ wife.

Lauren recoiled backwards at the same time that Arizona grabbed for Callie's arm, Alex suddenly there and pushing Callie back. She tripped over her own feet, and Arizona's, sending them both falling backwards toward the desk. Confusion and anger didn't stifle her protective instincts and Callie caught Arizona's waist before more than her elbow could strike the counter. She couldn't maintain the hold past Arizona regaining her balance, her hands clenching and relaxing at her sides as she tried to fathom what her next move could possibly be. Because her wife had cheated on her. Had there been confirmation of that? A glance at blue eyes seemed to suggest that those were the facts. But those facts just wouldn't compute at this moment. Her Arizona wouldn't do this. Her wife wouldn't hurt her this way, knowing everything she'd been through in her past. And they were finally almost good again. How could this be happening?

"Torres," Alex growled, uncertain but still maintaining a barrier between the Ortho surgeon and Dr. Boswell. Behind them, the tiny human makers were growing restless. Something needed to end this, and soon. "Dr. Robbins..."

Arizona forced her back to straighten, Callie looking at her in disbelief over her shoulder as the Peds surgeon fixed her lab coat and turned back to her work, limping stiffly away from the mess she'd made. She needed to talk to Callie, try to explain, but they couldn't do it here, with petrified parents watching her life fall apart. And, frankly, she wasn't sure she'd be able to fix this and wanted to delay the inevitable for a while longer. She was going to keep these kids alive if it killed her.

Death might feel better than the look on Callie's face right now.

Alex didn't move when Arizona did, not sure what would happen to Lauren if he wasn't in Callie's way. He had to admit that she had some balls to still be standing there. He wasn't oblivious to the flirting the visiting doc had been giving Arizona. And he hadn't missed his Attending's flattery at the attention. Whatever had happened, he knew Arizona wasn't a bad person, though. Maybe Lauren deserved what Callie clearly had coming for her, but she hadn't run yet. And as fun as it might be to witness a catfight (his money was on Torres), he couldn't let it happen here or now.

"Torres..." he started again slowly.

Lauren spoke over him, taking a step closer to his back as she did so. "Dr. Torres," Callie's eyes flashed and she retreated a half-step, "I don't know what's going on, but I swear to you, I didn't do anything with your wife." Brown eyes narrowed, scrutinizing her sharply. "Maybe I was flirting, maybe Arizona flirted a little back," Callie took the step forward this time and Lauren felt the edge of the desk dig into her back as she unconsciously tried to maintain safe distance between herself and the angry woman, "But she didn't do anything wrong here! She told me in no uncertain terms that she is married, happily, to you." She tried a smile, feeling a little bit wistful. Arizona Robbins was hot. She was kind of bummed that she _hadn't_ gotten a chance with her. Not that she would be expressing that thought to Arizona's wife when the other woman already looked like she was ready to beat her down. "She couldn't stop talking about your gorgeous, magical eyes." Callie frowned but her shoulders appeared to relax just slightly. "You're a very lucky woman, Dr. Torres," Lauren told her. "I can't say I'm not jealous."

Callie's quick pace forward made her eyes go wide, Lauren pressing herself back against the counter as Callie shouldered her way ably past a shocked Alex Karev. She didn't touch her though, simply crowded her back against the half-wall and stared her down, dark eyes searching her face for something. Callie's shoulder bucked off Alex's hand when he started to pull her back, her gaze not faltering. That look was enough to make Lauren squirm. Arizona was totally her type, but she could definitely see why Arizona was so devoted to this woman.

"Callie," Alex said, trying again to defuse the situation. He didn't touch her again though. "This isn't the place for this."

Callie didn't move. "You didn't touch her," she declared, not blinking.

Lauren let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "No. I didn't."

But Callie had seen Arizona's eyes, the guilt there. _Something_ had happened. "But, why...?" She shook her head. She wasn't going to air her dirty laundry with this woman. "You need to get away from me, right now," she stated seriously. Lauren was immediately slipping out from between her and the counter where she'd been pinned. "And..." Lauren stopped, not turning back toward her but listening. "Stay the hell away from my wife."

Lauren resumed fleeing, Callie letting out a deep breath and slumping into the counter. Alex was standing watch at her side and the familiarity made her chest ache. He'd been her shadow after the crash, rarely speaking but always there. She shrugged off his hand when he touched her shoulder.

"What is happening, Alex?" whispered Callie, confused and still scared. Something was _wrong_. She could feel it. It was vibrating in the air around her the same way the storm outside was rattling the very atmosphere. "I saw her face. Something happened. She cheated on me." It felt like a stabbing pain in her heart to even say it. It just rang so patently _false_. Her Arizona was _not_ a cheater. Period. "But..." But when, how, where, with who? And _why_? After everything they'd survived, how could this happen?

Alex sighed, shaking his head and finding Arizona moving between beds over Callie's shoulder. "She's only ever here, working, or in physical therapy, or she's home with you." Callie's eyes found him and he shrugged. "And, yeah, she flirted with Boswell, but..." He fell silent as something occurred to him. Arizona had walked Lauren to the on-call rooms earlier if Stephanie was to be believed. That's what she'd told him when he'd been looking for Arizona right after the power went out, at least.

Callie felt the weight of the loaded silence and her mouth fell open. "What? Alex, you have to tell me what you know! Something is wrong here!"

He took another deep breath, unable to keep her gaze. "According to one of the interns, Boswell asked Dr. Robbins for an escort to an on-call room. She said she likes to spend the night close to the patient after a procedure."

Already shaking her head in denial, Callie was frowning. "Lauren Boswell didn't sleep with Arizona. I would have seen it." Alex looked less than convinced. "Believe me. I would have known." The Bailey stare did not fail. It hadn't failed her this time, even if it felt like all of her other senses were betraying her. Everything in the world felt fundamentally _wrong_ right now.

"Then what's going on?" Alex asked, leaning his head in and lowering his voice. He couldn't handle intercepting anymore guilty glances in this direction. "Because Robbins keeps looking over here..."

"I don't know, Karev!" Callie didn't mean to snap but she just couldn't seem to stop herself. Nothing was right.

He didn't object to her lashing out, taking a breath to steady himself. "Well, we kind of need her up here right now..." The glare Callie gave him was positively poisonous. "Unless you want to – Callie, is this the best time for this?"

"You don't tell me how to deal with my wife, Dr. Karev," Callie ordered him, standing up straight. But outside of posturing for Alex Karev, she had no further clue how to deal with this entire situation. Dragging Arizona somewhere private was the only thing she wanted to do. But whether that would help or hurt she wasn't sure. "Don't let her leave," she declared under her breath. "I'll be back when I can." She could check on patients. Do something to figure out why the generators weren't working. She didn't know anything about electricity, but she felt a burning need to do _something_ that would have a productive result.

She didn't know what talking to Arizona would end in.

"And Alex?" He looked at her steadily, lines of anxiety around his eyes. "Keep an eye on her," she requested, not an order.

"I've got her back," Alex promised. Callie didn't look back, marching away stiffly and leaving him at the desk to stare at between the pair of women. When Arizona ducked into the supply closet he quickstepped across the room to slip into the small room behind her. "What's going on?"

Arizona didn't face him, her shoulders tight. "I cheated on my wife with that woman out there."

"What makes you think that? Did you say something you shouldn't have to her, maybe a kiss, or something?" Lauren said they hadn't slept together. And Callie bought it, whether or not it was true.

Arizona glared sharply. "No, Karev! Believe me, I wish a kiss is all that happened!"

"And this happened with Boswell? The new chick?" he checked. Maybe Callie was right. Something was seriously off here.

Arizona took a swat at him this time. "Yes! Alex, I cheated on my wife! I'm not going to relive it for you! You think I don't feel awful? It was a mistake! It was a huge mistake!"

Alex Karev was no stranger to crazy women and he was starting to feel it here in this closet. Something in the air warning him, a sixth sense he'd developed. The crazy made waves in his head. And Arizona earnestly believed she'd betrayed Callie, but there were alarms going off in his brain. This wasn't right. "Hey, I know!" he tried to relieve her. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

The interns outside the closet were dealing with teaching the parents to operate the breathing bags for their babies as the monitors failed one by one, and things were going as well as they could possibly be going considering the circumstances. Arizona split from his side as soon as they left the room, though she stopped short when the direction she'd chosen to flee in put her on a trajectory with Lauren Boswell. The visiting doctor looked in their direction, pretty face marred by a frown of genuine concern. Arizona stumbled, spinning from side to side and seeking another avenue of escape.

It was simultaneous relief and dread that filled Arizona when the lights finally snapped back on sometime before dawn. She couldn't hide in the dark anymore. Whatever she'd done to her life, whatever mess she'd made, it was going to be exposed to the light now. Now she could see perfectly exactly how destroyed Callie was when she told her what had happened. What she had done.

She couldn't hide anymore.

Somehow unable to sense that the world, her world, was going wrong a nurse on two told her where she could find Dr. Torres, her wife already pacing the floor alone in the Attending's lounge. Callie turned when Arizona slipped into the room and closed the door behind her. The deja vu when she hesitated before deliberately clicking the lock into place made her choke.

"Arizona..." Callie's voice was hoarse from tears. "Tell me what is going on."

She wished she could just keep facing the door, didn't have to turn and look into Callie's face as she destroyed their marriage. She loved Callie too much to not look her in the eyes as she told her this though.

There were already tears on Callie's face, her shoulders slumped with defeat. It was enough to break her heart.

"I cheated on you." Callie blinked and there were more tears sliding down her face.

"With Dr. Boswell? You s-slept with h-her?"

Arizona nodded, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "Yes. But Callie -"

"You didn't," Callie said flatly, her lip trembling.

"Yes, I did. But I am so -"

"No," Callie denied again. "You didn't. You wouldn't."

"I did."

"You didn't!" insisted Callie, her volume rising. Arizona jumped, frowning. This wasn't the argument she'd been braced for. Callie knew she'd cheated. Could see it in her eyes even if she was denying the words she said. "I talked to Dr. - her, I talked to her. She didn't sleep with you." Sweat broke out at Arizona's temple, her head throbbing suddenly. "I looked her in the eye, Arizona. She said you two didn't do anything." She took a trembling breath and a shaky step forward. Arizona was swaying on her feet, her skin pale and sweaty. "But if you slept with someone else, I need to know," Callie said, sheer will keeping her voice steady. "I need to know right now, Arizona."

Confused, Arizona shook her head, a few strands of hair escaping from her messy ponytail and falling in her face. "It-it was Lauren. I slept with Lauren." Hearing her say it over and over again didn't make it hurt less, for all Callie that knew in her soul that it wasn't true. Arizona was convinced she had betrayed her. And Callie was convinced that it hadn't been Boswell. So why would Arizona keep insisting that it was? They were facing infidelity. The who almost didn't matter.

Except for the conviction in Arizona's blue eyes. She had slept with Lauren. Or she believed she had.

All the evidence Callie had been able to find, or the complete lack thereof, rather, via nosy nurses (and who actually had the time to be nosy when they were in the middle of a superstorm, seriously) had told her that, yes, Arizona had escorted Lauren to an on-call room. But that was it. They'd chatted in the doorway for a few minutes before Lauren had shut the door with herself on one side and Arizona on the other. Nothing remotely suspicious had been noticed.

"Who did you sleep with, Arizona?"

"Lauren!" Arizona was crying now too, her hands squeezing the sides of her lab coat tightly. She was swaying worse and Callie took another slow step forward.

"I don't believe you," Callie said softly, edging forward. "Who did you sleep with?"

"Lauren." Arizona was shaking, her eyes cloudy and unfocused. Her voice was lower now, answering the quieter tone in Callie's voice instinctively. "Lauren." Callie shook her head, drawing closer every moment. "It was Lauren." Callie murmured a negative. "No, it was," Arizona insisted, almost whispering. Rocking between her toes and her heels, Arizona whispered the name again and again. Her eyes didn't seem to see Callie's approach. She didn't react to her wife's proximity at all until a gentle hand found her cheek and turned her face to meet dark eyes. Callie really did have beautiful eyes. Arizona went stiff suddenly, her tears sticky between her cheek and Callie's palm. "Callie?" she asked, whimpering and scared. "What's happening?"

Callie caught her as Arizona slumped suddenly into her, barely keeping them up as Arizona went limp, dead weight in her arms. "Arizona!" Calling her name gained no response and Callie struggled to drag them to the nearest couch. Arizona's shoes pulled and caught on the carpet as they moved. They more or less fell to the cushions, Callie's heart pounding when Arizona didn't moan on groan when she dropped on top of her. The blonde's breathing was loud, her eyes open but unseeing. Callie slid off the couch to her knees, both hands pulling Arizona up by the sides of her coat. "Arizona!" She was sitting up now, her head bobbing as she made no effort to hold herself up. "Look at me!" No answer. "God damn it, Arizona! Look at me!" As soon as she released one side of her wife's lab coat to reach for her phone the other woman slumped to the side, nearly catatonic.

Callie did the only thing she could think to do, calling Alex. He didn't answer the first call and she impatiently swiped the screen again. "Karev, I need you down here!" she said as soon as he picked up, too anxious to preface her words. "It's Arizona. I can't reach her!"

"What? Torres, what -?"

"Get here!" Callie snapped. "The lounge on two." Hanging up, she tossed her phone aside and tugged Arizona back upright, standing on her knees so their faces were nearly level. "Arizona, wake _up_! Come back to me!" Hard breathing was the only thing that answered her. This day felt like a never-ending spiral of confusion and pain, Callie scrambling to keep her head above water. "I don't know if you can hear me, Arizona, but I can't do this without you. Come back!" Still nothing, and Callie's head dropped, forehead resting on her wife's left leg, the metal of her prosthetic tangible beneath the plastic covering it. Grimacing, Callie shifted her head to the other leg, sighing gratefully at the human warmth she could feel through Arizona's scrub pants. Unable to stop herself, Callie felt tears leaking from the corners of her eyes to drop into obscurity against the navy cotton under her face.

Minutes passed, the door opening and closing, and then Alex was there, sitting on the couch beside Arizona and leaning over to look at her face while Callie straightened back up and surreptitiously wiping her eyes. "How long has she been like this?"

Callie shook her head, uncertain and beyond scared. "I-I don't know. We were talking. She started shaking, an-and it was like she couldn't hear me. She collapsed when I touched her. Alex, what is wrong with her?" Callie pleaded, needing someone to help her. She'd been trying to do everything on her own since the crash. It felt like drowning in slow motion.

He held one hand up in front of Arizona's face, snapping his fingers twice with no reaction. Alex frowned and stood up, gently pushing Callie aside and taking her place in front of the catatonic woman on the sofa. "Hang on," he said without looking away from his mentor. Biting his lip, he made a decision. The crack of his hand against Arizona's cheek was sharp in the quiet room and Arizona gasped even as Callie shoved Alex off his feet, hard. He hit the floor with a thud and a loud groan but Callie couldn't care less.

Because Arizona's eyes were watering but focused, finding her worried gaze. "Wha-? What – where are we? What's happening? Callie..." She was scared, couldn't remember how they'd gotten here, couldn't remember past... Arizona frowned, shaking her head and trying to come up with her last memory. The things she saw in her head were hazy and didn't make sense. Lightning and flashes of skin. But not Callie's skin.

"It's okay, it's okay," Callie said quickly, leaning in and grabbing her wife's face with both hands. "I'm right here." Arizona's cheek was warm where Alex had struck her and Callie wanted to hit him. How dare he slap her wife? It had worked though, bringing Arizona out of her fugue state. "Look at me," she pleaded, heart pounding at the sight of tears in deep blue eyes. "Are you okay?"

Arizona slumped forward, both arms wrapping around Callie's shoulder as she succumbed to her confusion and fear. Sobs broke free and she buried her face in the warmth of her wife's neck. "Callie, I don't re-remember!" she cried, clinging to her. "Callie..." Callie wasn't sure she'd ever heard her wife sound so scared and she wrapped her arms tighter around the trembling woman. "What's happening to me?!"


	2. Chapter 2

Arizona moaned in her sleep, the sound echoing through the open door of her bedroom and into the dark apartment she shared with her wife and daughter. They'd left the hospital as soon as the rain had finally stopped, two days in the hospital leaving them all anxious, stressed, and tired. The ones who'd ridden out the storm had been sent home while the staff who'd been locked down in their homes were coming in to relieve them. The power was still out in their apartment though, so Callie had put Sofia and Arizona to bed and ventured back out into post-storm Seattle to pick up rudimentary groceries to tide them over until their power got restored.

Unconscious, Arizona stirred, tossing under the thin sheet. The comforter Callie had tenderly tucked around her shoulders had been kicked off already. Her head thrashed, loose hair falling across her face, but she didn't wake. Flopping onto her back didn't wake her either. Neither did whipping out her right arm and sending the bedside lamp crashing loudly to the floor.

It didn't wake Arizona, but it did disturb Sofia, the baby sitting up in her crib and crying loudly. A remnant of thunder rattled the windows and ensured that the little girl wasn't going to be able to soothe herself back to sleep. Unfortunately, the glass shaking in the frame wasn't enough to wake her mother. Arizona was lost to her dreams, trapped in the woods of her own mind.

Callie could hear the wailing from the hall, juggling two tall paper bags in one arm and her keys in the other hand. She didn't bother with closing the door behind her (between their place and Mark's, they owned this half of the floor), putting the bags down on the counter and rushing to Sofia's room to pluck her daughter from her bed. The poor little girl's face was red, flushed with heat and slick with tears. "It's okay, Sofia. Mami's here." And Arizona was here, just not _here_. What could have kept her from her screaming baby? It had been a long day and night – maybe her leg was swollen. Maybe she had fallen. Sofia started to calm down as soon as she was nestled against Callie's chest, whimpering and sucking on her pacifier. "Arizona? Are you up?"

The first step past her doorway resulted in a crunching noise and Callie frowned in confusion and concern. Moving carefully into the bedroom, Callie had to stand still for a moment to let her eyes adjust. The shards of broken ceramic were indistinguishable from the rug in the dark but Callie could see her wife's form on the bed and noticed the missing lamp from the table.

"Honey, are you awake?" Leaning over with one hand on Sofia's back, Callie rubbed her wife's back with the other hand. The bare skin of her shoulder was flushed but Arizona didn't respond beyond a deep, sleeping breath. "Mama's tired," Callie murmured to Sofia. "She didn't mean to scare you." She kissed her daughter's cheek and swayed her from side to side gently. "Let's get you back in bed, huh?"

"Ma-ma," Sofia murmured even as she nuzzled her head into Callie's shoulder.

"You want to give her a kiss before bed?" Callie asked, whispering into soft black hair. She shifted the baby carefully, lowering her toward Arizona's face. Small hands patted against fair skin while Sofia leaned her head down to press wet lips to her mother's cheek. The soft touch had a reaction that Callie's hand on her back hadn't, Arizona jerking awake with a violent start.

Callie instinctively pulled Sofia back as Arizona's arms flailed, the startled little girl crying loudly again. Arizona fought briefly with the sheets, turning over with her eyes wide. "What?!" It took a moment for recognition of where she was to sink in, Arizona reaching out her arms for Sofia as soon as she realized what had happened. She sighed gratefully when Callie didn't hesitate to hand their daughter over to her. "Sweetheart, Mama's sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's okay," she whispered, kissing her baby's face repeatedly. Her eyes were fearful when she looked up at Callie. "Did I hit her? Did I hurt her?"

Sitting down on the bedside, Callie shook her head. "You wouldn't hurt her," she said softly, trailing one hand lightly down the baby's back.

"Callie, did I hurt her?" Arizona asked again, blinking back tears. She couldn't be this person. She didn't know how to be this person – someone who cheated on her wife, who _hurt_ her baby girl.

"You didn't," Callie promised. "You would _not_ hurt her. She's your daughter. You would _never_ hurt her."

Arizona pushed a lingering kiss to Sofia's cheek, feeling the flush in her soft skin. She'd been crying for a while. And she hadn't heard it, had been trapped in her own mind and hadn't heard her baby crying for her. What was happening to her?! Who _was_ this person? Because this wasn't someone she ever wanted to be. She wanted to be the wife Callie needed, the mother Sofia deserved.

"Stop it," Callie said, tone soft but firm. Arizona's eyes jumped to her, noticing the shattered lamp in the corner of her eye. "I can see it in your face. Whatever's in your head, stop it, Arizona."

"I don't know if I can," answered Arizona in a whisper, her eyes falling away again as the guilt rose in her chest. Sofia was starting to quiet down again in her arms, crying giving way to soft whimpers against her chest. "I don't know who I am anymore," she admitted, closing her eyes and leaning her head against baby-soft hair.

Callie sucked in a breath, not surprised by the statement but saddened, heartbroken. "Do you still love me?" Because she loved Arizona desperately. Nothing would ever change that.

"Callie..." Arizona wanted to protest that her wife would even ask that of her but she held her tongue for a moment. Because Callie deserved an honest answer. She deserved a partner who was whole too.

"I'm not trying to trick you, Arizona," Callie said, her voice heavy, nearly defeated. "Yes or no. Do you love me? You can be pissed at me, you can resent me, you can maybe even hate me right now. I need to know, though. Simple answer. Yes or no. Does any part of you still love me at all?"

When she put it like that there was only one answer Arizona could give. "Yes."

"Do you want to stay with me? Do you want a di-"

"Callie, stop. Don't," Arizona croaked hoarsely. "Don't say it." She swallowed hard, head shaking slowly from side to side. She wanted her marriage. But she'd betrayed it. "You're my wife. That's what I want. But I – I cheated, Callie."

Callie's jaw tensed, her teeth clenching. Hearing it come out of her mouth felt like a fist squeezing her heart in her chest. That same heart just _knew_ that it wasn't true. When she'd tried to argue that with Arizona she'd gone catatonic though. It made her hesitant to restart the discussion. "You want to stay married? You want to work this out?"

"More than anything," Arizona sighed. "Callie..."

"I'm talking now," Callie interjected. "We need help here, Arizona." Eyes locked, Callie's tongue peeking out to wet her lips. "I think we need to talk to somebody." She could already see the resistance in her spouse's face. Stubborn woman. "Let's get Sofia to bed and we'll talk about it."

Arizona's hold on the baby tightened. "The power's still out. She'll be scared." Callie arched an eyebrow doubtfully. Sofia was already half asleep again, comforted by her parents' presence. "I don't want to let her go," Arizona admitted.

Sighing, Callie reached forward to ruffle soft black hair, the backs of her fingers brushing Arizona's cheek. "I'll get her leopard from her room while I lock up," she said with a soft smile, looking lovingly at her family.

She had just stood from the bed when Arizona spoke again, "Are you going to be okay with me sleeping in here?"

Callie felt her back tighten, a deep breath escaping slowly. Arizona didn't want to sleep beside her because she thought she'd been unfaithful. If it wasn't sad enough to break her heart it would almost make her laugh. "Do you want to sleep next to me?" she asked instead of answering.

"Callie, I made a mistake today..."

"Yes or no, Arizona," prompted Callie, closing her eyes.

"Yes," the blonde answered meekly, grateful that her indiscretion hadn't displaced her from her bed.

"I'll be right back," Callie said without turning around. She got the grocery bags off the floor and onto the counter, got the front door closed and locked behind them, and swept up the broken lamp in the dark, doing her best to get it all, but making a mental note that they shouldn't let Sofia down on the floor in their room until she'd had a chance to run the vacuum.

Putting the broom back in the pantry in the kitchen, Callie took a moment to herself, breathing deeply and savoring the calm quiet of the empty room. The kitchen wasn't an emotionally fraught minefield like it felt like her bedroom was. A soft, sweet, infinitely heart-melting baby giggle came through the doorway and reminded her that there were safe places in the midst of all the danger. Arizona's voice murmuring to their baby elicited another precious laugh and Callie found herself drawn back to the bedroom door.

Arizona was on her side under the sheets, Sofia now carefully tucked in beside her where she would be safely cocooned by her parents. Gentle fingers combed through dark hair, her face pressed in close, Arizona's expression simply captivated by their daughter. It was moments like this that made Callie sure that whatever was going on, they could get through it.

"Got room for me in there?" Callie asked, moving into the room. She was exhausted enough to contemplate sleeping anywhere. But cocooning herself in bed with her family, her whole world, would always be the best option.

Arizona met her gaze over Sofia's head when she slid under the sheets with them but didn't say anything. And Callie was prepared for a weird night of no talking, no touching. She understood. Arizona was confused, uncertain where they stood. And their daughter was in the bed so it wasn't like they could talk things out any more tonight. Sighing, Callie tucked the toy leopard into tiny hands and kissed Sofia's head before turning onto her other side. She could hear the rustling of movement behind her but didn't peek. A hand slipped slowly and cautiously under her elbow and Callie shifted to let her in, an arm sliding carefully over her side.

"Okay?" Arizona checked in a whisper. She wanted to hold her wife, try and erase the memories of another woman under her touch, but told herself she wouldn't be wrecked if Callie wouldn't let herself be held right now.

"Okay."

Relieved, Arizona shifted forward further, Sofia safely curled up between Callie's back and her own chest. If she moved her leg forward just a little bit she could just touch Callie's feet with her own. She didn't though, scared that too much contact too soon would push her away. She couldn't help breathing in deeply, wanting to capture the scent of Callie's hair, savor the smell of her skin. She didn't know what tomorrow would hold for her.

And waking the next morning (or was it afternoon? Her fuzzy mind couldn't figure it out), Arizona found herself alone. It sent her heart plummeting even as her mind tried to resign itself to this new reality. She couldn't blame Callie for leaving.

Noise from beyond the bedroom door made her think that maybe Callie hadn't gone as far as she'd thought she would have run. Looking around the bedroom she saw that the lamp had been entirely cleaned up and her prosthetic was leaning in its usual place against the bedside table on her side of the bed. They had never really had sides of the bed until the crash, too busy just wanting to share the space to care which half of the mattress they occupied as long as the other half was taken by their partner. Now they had to make sure Arizona's leg was always in reach.

Fucking plane crash.

Sitting up, Arizona tousled her hair, the other hand sliding unconsciously over to feel that the sheets beside her were cold. Callie and Sofia had been out of bed for a while. Throwing back the sheets Arizona winced as she caught sight of her stump. The long day in the prosthetic had left her swollen and sensitive. Pressing tentatively, she tried to rub some of the sore tension from her shortened thigh. It helped, but she wasn't as good as Callie at it. Maybe she could get some relief if she could ever convince her wife to touch her again.

There was no way she could wear her leg today. Especially not if she was spending the day at home with her family. Her wheelchair was parked in the corner of the bedroom and she moved to the edge of the bed slowly. A hand on the nightstand helped stabilize her enough to reach the chair, pivoting on her good leg and dropping into the seat. Sometimes she hated her wheelchair for being the easiest way to get around the house. It just made her feel so... invalid.

Sighing, Arizona's head dropped. She couldn't even get out of bed without getting depressed. The feelings, emotions about _everything_, were like a tide inside her, rising and falling back at random. Lately it felt like there was more rising than falling. Everything was heightened and had been for a while. And she'd been trying so hard to keep a lid on it that it had started to feel like she was perpetually vibrating inside with the effort to stifle herself.

Until that on-call room where she'd let her control snap and dissolve into nothing. She'd lost her control and betrayed her marriage. And Callie... Callie had hardly reacted, hadn't even kicked her out of bed. Arizona's throat felt tight and her chest ached. What the hell was happening to her life?

Getting past the closed bedroom door with the chair was easy now, Arizona wheeling herself into the living room and pasting a smile on as she caught sight of Sofia doing her damndest to walk. It would be only be a matter of time now. "Ma-ma," she announced happily as soon as she saw her.

"Good morning," Arizona said, leaving her chair in place as Sofia toddled toward her with both hands on the couch for balance.

Watching them from the kitchen, Callie felt her heart swell and twist. Her whole life, this is what she'd wanted – a family with the person she loved. And it all felt threatened right now. Not by something outside, but by something invisible and unsettling. Something she didn't understand and wasn't sure how to overcome. The sight of Arizona leaning over to lift Sofia into her lap, Sofia immediately standing up on her mother's thighs to hug her neck, brought a smile to her lips.

Arizona caught sight of the smile and was suddenly, almost inexplicably, incensed. Except that it wasn't really a surprise. The rage was always near the surface these days. And it took more strength than she had left inside to restrain the anger right now. How dare Callie just smile like there was nothing wrong when she couldn't even tell if the world was still right side up.

"How'd you sleep?" Callie's question was soft spoken, caring and tender. It made Arizona's jaw tighten, her blood boil. "You're up early."

Arizona's eyes narrowed across the room at her partner. "I cheated on you." The smile fell off Callie's face in a split second. "How are you still talking to me? You let me sleep in _our_ bed after I had _sex_ with another woman!" Callie's mouth fell open but Arizona blazed ahead, her tone rising. "If you _ever_ cheated on me, Callie, I would kick your ass, I would kick her ass, or his ass. I would kick _everyone's_ ass!" And she'd do it standing on her one leg, too. She choked, hiccuping back an angry sob. Crying wouldn't help her right now. "But you don't even seem to care! Do you care?!" she asked, pleading without realizing it. "You asked me if I love you, but do you still love me?! Because this has never been an open marriage, Callie. Do you not care that I did what I did? If you don't, _tell_ me! Because it was the biggest mistake I have ever made! Bigger than leaving you for Africa! Bigger than -" she stopped abruptly. She'd meant to say 'bigger than getting on the plane' but that simply wasn't true. Her wounded pride and grief getting her on that plane would always be the biggest mistake of her life. That was the way it was. Four days in the woods had cost her her leg, had fundamentally altered _who she was_. And she wasn't sure she could get back to herself. But she'd told herself that was something she could live with. As long as she had Callie.

She'd cheated, yes, but she didn't know what she would do if she'd lost Callie. Her world was upside down, but a world without Callie wasn't worth imagining.

Slumping in her chair Arizona pressed her lips against Sofia's hair and tried not to cry. Thankfully the little girl was oblivious to the crackling tension in the air, pulling on Arizona's shirt lightly and looking around the room. When she was bored she slouched and shimmied herself off of her mother's lap, crawling contentedly across the floor toward her plush leopard.

"Don't stay if you don't love me." Arizona watched Sofia, not sure she could watch Callie leave her.

Callie could only stare in disbelief from the far side of the kitchen island. Arizona wasn't looking at her. And seemed to be waiting on her to grab a jacket and walk out the door. Her patience with this whole situation burned away like mist under sunlight, her own temper rising to match Arizona's.

"Okay, you know what? _No_!" Callie marched around the counter, not resisting the urge to pace in front of her wife's chair. "This isn't happening like this! I have _tried_ to be what you needed since the crash. And I have tried _so_ damn hard to get through to you that I am _never_ leaving you! It has never even crossed my mind to leave you, Arizona. I can't survive without you! But you don't want to hear it! You've been waiting on me to walk out the door since I got you back!" Stomping, she leaned over Arizona's wheelchair, both hands on the armrests while her face stopped only inches from Arizona's. "But it's _never_ going to happen," she promised, her eyes searching her wife's flushed face. "And I don't care how many times I have to say it. Whatever happens, I will be here at the end of the day."

"I cheated, Callie," Arizona growled, leaning her head back. "And it doesn't seem to mean anything to you."

"Did it mean something to you?" countered Callie without moving. "Did _she _mean something to you?"

"You mean _everything_ to me."

Callie's face softened spontaneously. "I know that." Arizona frowned, confused. "That's how I know that you _didn't_ cheat on me," she said softly. Blonde brows furrowed, a full bottom lip dropping as she sucked in a breath. Callie waited for a beat, praying that Arizona wasn't about to shut down on her again. "I don't know what is happening, sweetheart," she knelt slowly, cautiously putting both hands on Arizona's good knee. "But I know better than anything that I love you.

"And I love you," Arizona echoed helplessly.

"Nothing else matters, right?" Callie whispered, head tilting to one side as she locked eyes with Arizona, trying to search her lover's soul, hoping that Arizona could see her heart in her eyes. Her heart jumped when Arizona nodded slowly. "Okay. So no one's running." Callie licked her lips. "I'm not running," she promised earnestly.

"But I cheated." Callie didn't say anything and Arizona's mouth moved for a long second. "Why don't you believe me?"

Callie didn't blink, looking straight into her face. "Because I know you, Arizona. You're not a cheater. You wouldn't cheat on me. You wouldn't betray me. You wouldn't betray our family."

The worst part was that Arizona agreed with her. She wasn't a cheater. She wouldn't betray her wife, risk losing her daughter. But she remembered exactly what had happened. She had cheated. She had betrayed her wife.

Callie's expression didn't waver. She didn't doubt her.

Hadn't she cheated? She could remember it. She could remember every single second of her infidelity. Callie had pressed her though and it was like her brain had shut off. She could remember that too. Could remember falling into her wife's arms and sobbing brokenly.

"I'm broken," Arizona whispered. She wasn't sure what was going on in her life, but she knew that. "I don't want to break you." She found Sofia over Callie's head. "I _can't_ break her."

Callie wanted to object but didn't. Because Arizona couldn't hear her reassurances right now. "We need help," she agreed softly. Tiny little hands gripped the back of her shirt suddenly, Sofia grinning happily at her parents. When she smiled like that she looked like Mark. It was unbelievably sweet and cute but it stung sometimes.

The adorable interruption put a stop to their more serious conversation, Callie twisting around to pick up their daughter

"Ma-ma, hungee," Sofia said, her bottom lip hanging out in a pitiful expression that should be illegal.

Arizona surprised them all with a laugh, Callie's eyebrows rising as she looked up at her partner. "She gets that look from you," Arizona said, leaning forward to swipe her thumb across the pouty lip. "It's a killer."

Callie smiled, bouncing Sofia lightly on her hip. "Well, we can't have that, can we?" Arizona held her elbow stable as Callie pushed herself to her feet without her hands. Giving her wife a grateful smile, Callie was relieved to see her expression was more relaxed. "I'm not sure what options we've got with no power, but we'll figure something out."

"Sure we will," Arizona agreed, forcing her voice into a cheerful tone, wheeling into the kitchen behind her partner. A moment later the whole building hummed as the electricity snapped back on.


End file.
